tek, thinks & la strada ☯ॐ☢ csmr@kapsi

If your life was a movie, what would you do?

Motivational speeches sometimes run on my media feed. Most do not stick, most of the time I find it amusing.

Why would someone need empty speeches that apply to nobody? Seeking answers from strangers: a recipe for a failure. I must have reached a directionless phase, since Joe Rogan's recipe suddenly appeals to me.

Forgetting the past, what would the hero of your life do?

Wow, where am I headed? 25 years of startups and developer work is enough. But then, how else could I pay the rent? 35 years of pursuing art has not led to where art would get regular income and a retirement pension.

Maybe I should have focused on getting rich, or at the least saving money and buying real estate, I know. But I didn't. I didn't go for the money angle. Have never felt I could pay a bank loan for a house.

After a quarter of century of work, I am still at square one economically.

Heh, words of advice for my 20 year old self? Too late, should have taken that house loan as early as possible, no matter what. In any case, I can check "failed to join economic middle class", the flipside of "not locked in the mortgage trap". And I forgot to forget the past.

Lesson? Try to save some money for 20 years later, buy a small home someplace peaceful.

I've invested in my mind

But its not like I'm a burned out husk either. Another lesson. I don't know if I learned it from my parents or where, but I've always kept care of my mind and body. Good diet, moderation in "fun" and "enjoyment", exercise. And I have developed a love for learning new things.

Heh, and I know about 3x more about making software and programming than a typical Computer Science MA. - Hmm, is this actually a failure?

Few failures, few fortunes

I haven't made many enemies. I've made a few friends. I hope I haven't made many enemies! If I disappear, or get sniped, can you please edit this out. I suppose I somehow thought to have amassed a fortune by now. Well, I guess one must focus hard on amassing a fortune, as after these decades of adventures, I have basically no wealth. I do have 2 bicycles and 4 bass guitars, although the guitars I bought used.

Seeking sense of security?

I guess I feel some kind of need for security? Why do I feel insecure? Weird. Is this some Corona-virus-times -feeling? Covid-insecurity? Heh should go buy toilet paper next...

An insecurity inside: a funny idea of getting security from wealth. It's not like I couldn't "get a job". Does material wealth create more security?

I feel... I'm getting older. Always wanted to grow Big, but not grow Up too much. Anyway. These are emotions. Ideas. These are not the World. I am the product of my environment.

One must go into the World to learn what to do.

The Great Artist

So, back to the topic. What would the hero of my life movie do? When I was 15, I decided to become an artist. I painted with oil color. I love beautiful art, nature, sculptures. Or juxtapositions, anarchy and color of ideas and shapes. The Great Artist dream.

As a kid I also programmed and gamed: got programmer skills, as well. A dev isn't my life hero's quest, but it has paid my rent.

I always wanted to be an artist, but I still haven't found the door - or the audience - behind which I could get that rent money. I guess there are 100 times more people trying to make ends meet on the Art Market than IT.

Although, I think IT market has changed in the last couple of years, as well. There are at least 10 times more software developers in the World than just 10 years ago, maybe more. It's gotten easier, even if the required skill makes it demanding, crunch that very few are able to reach.

How does one become a great artist? The Art Market seems somewhat like the Movie or Music industry: a ditch where the people who provide the content fall like flies, while the market feeds on them.

My life is not a movie

Not like I'm a motivational speech person. Or a movie script hero. It's not like I have a writer or PR person working on my image. All that is an illusion. Celebrities and heros are about the spectators illusion.

I don't have to follow a stereotype. I'm a real person.

I have no great vision. Maybe get out of software/IT in the next 10 years? I really like writing programs. Really enjoy finishing them. Having easy-to-use, clean codebase with cross-platform support and long lifecycle... - and other stuff people would get bored reading about.

Basil smells great

Do you remember the aroma of fresh basil? - I really like basil. Really love the smell. Wonder if one could make money with basil? Could make a basil-cart and sell people basil on the street? Or does the market demand a huge vertical basil greenhouse? - have visions like this 10 times a day! I got vision!

But the World is not about Me. There's many like me out there. I don't even really know whats out there! Just ideas inside the mind. Endless cascade of illusion.

Could maybe start a new company. Hack some algos, or make some art, jam some tunes. Like I always do, with this freedom.

- At least until love walks in the door.

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